matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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