ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
