Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
