Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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