Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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