doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
