Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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