im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
