Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
