I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
