I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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