he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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