one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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