Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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