try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize