I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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