Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
