There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
