She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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