I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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