I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well I just put wine in my tea
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
