"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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