i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Randomize
