I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
