There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
