I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I love you.
Bad choice
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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