she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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