well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I am available for nakedness
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
