i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I intend to get homeless drunk
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
