I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
