Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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