I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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