Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
