That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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