He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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