i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
