I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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