You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
