somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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