I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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