just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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