Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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