Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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