that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
