And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
