I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
