If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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