Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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