she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
