omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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