ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
