i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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