I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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