Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
