Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
